


For Him, Anything

by Manwameldiel



Series: Malec short stories [2]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV), malec - Fandom
Genre: M/M, Sad, cri
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-18
Updated: 2016-03-18
Packaged: 2018-05-27 12:36:33
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 984
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6284812
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Manwameldiel/pseuds/Manwameldiel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>takes place after s01e09, after Magnus talked to Alec in the hallway of the Institute he goes home. (He is sad, someone give him a hug)</p>
            </blockquote>





	For Him, Anything

Magnus stood by the kitchen counter, his hands were gripping the edges as he stared down at nothing in particular. He felt one tear making it's way down his cheek and he looked up, wiping it off and took a deep breath.  
~  
After that talk with Alec, Magnus wanted to leave right away. As he walked away from Alec in the dark corridor, he felt tears stinging his eyes, but he was not going to let anyone see him cry.  
“Magnus!” it was Izzy calling his name. Magnus turned around, “thank you” was all she said and Magnus simply nodded once, fearing that his voice would betray him if he spoke, and then he left.  
~  
He turned around, the back of his head leaning against the cupboards. Chairman Meow walked into the kitchen and rubbed himself against Magnus' ankle and purred. Usually when he did that, Magnus would pick him up and scratch him under his chin, but now he wasn't in the mood for that. He wasn't in the mood for anything right now.

His heart was aching. He knew this would happen, this always happened. For so many years Magnus had kept his feelings away from anyone who might break his heart. However, meeting Alec, Magnus had opened his heart just a little bit, had allowed himself to have a little crush on the shadowhunter.  
Yet, opening his heart like that was like opening a door in a storm. The door swings open all the way and it's hard to close it again. 

“I meant to thank you for your advise, the whole follow your heart thing” those words had brought so much hope in Magnus, he had hoped that Alec was maybe going to ask him out or something, but then Alec said he had proposed to Lydia. “Solid partnership” he said. Magnus wasn't sure how well he had succeeded but he had tried not showing how much it hurt to hear these news. Before this, Magnus had hope that maybe someday, someday there might be a chance with him and Alec. Now that hope was completely gone. Even though, when Alec had said 'partnership' he was stating that there was no love or romance between him and Lydia, whoever that was, Magnus didn't remember, there was still a wedding to happen and besides, Alec could never be with Magnus because of the Clave. The Clave looked down on gay relationships, male or female. Also, a gay relationship between a shadowhunter and a downworlder could never be looked at without hate from the Clave and Alec was a man who always followed the rules. 

Magnus couldn't hold it together any longer, the tears began running down his cheeks in waterfalls and he sobbed. He closed his eyes to get rid of the tears that blocked his vision, but that was not a good idea. When he cried it messed up his makeup and blinking only made it sting his eyes. He rubbed his eyes with the sleeves of his jacket. He knew rubbing his eyes like that made him look like a raccoon and his sleeves were messy, but right now he couldn't care less about what he looked like or what his clothes were like. The worst thing was, he wasn't even sure why he was behaving like that. He hadn't known Alec for long, didn't even know that much about Alec. How could anyone have such strong feelings for someone they hardly knew. That was actually something Magnus hated about so many love stories, when someone meets someone else and they fall in love instantly, Magnus didn't believe in love at first sight and besides he wasn't really in love with Alec.

Magnus wanted to shut all his feelings off, but knew that was impossible. Even he, the high warlock of Brooklyn, couldn't perform such magic. Instead he walked to his bedroom where he fell on the bed, not bothering to change into more comfortable clothes, hoping sleep would take him soon, stopping all this pain for a few hours. 

But sleep didn't come and Magnus lay there awake for quite a while. At some point Chairman Meow hopped on the bed and curled himself against Magnus and this time Magnus patted him, while thinking.  
The longer he lay there the more he began to feel sorry for Alec and less for himself. Alec was in a difficult place in his life. He recently found out about his parents being ex-Circle members, that must have been a shock for him. He still loved his family, he had stated that clearly when he told Magnus about his marriage.  
“Family is everything to me, you have to know that”.  
“Do what's in your heart”. What was in his heart was his family, his sister, his brother, even his parents, Magnus understood that. Although, he had forgotten what it was like to have a family, he would certainly not stop Alec in protecting his own.

But, Magnus could see Alec was unhappy. He had seen Alec smile how many times? Once, twice? A happy person smiled more often than that. A happy person or a person hiding centuries of broken heart. 

Now Magnus felt selfish for behaving like that, it wasn't fair for Alec, he was only doing what he thought was right. But, what Alec thought was right was not making him happy and Magnus wanted Alec to be happy, that's what he deserved. 

Even though Magnus might never be with Alec the way he wanted to be, he might still get to be his friend. That was not what Magnus really wanted but that might be what Alec needed. He cared about Alec and if being his friend would help him be happy, Magnus wasn't asking for more. 

With that thought in mind, sleep finally took hold of Magnus and his eyes closed as he fell into a dreamless sleep.


End file.
